We're all motivated by something, right? I mean, some people are motivated by money. Some by love. Some it may be power. With Drew ...
it's food.
The boys LIVES for food. And I don't mean that in the technical kind of way ... obviously we all need food to live ... NO ... DREW LIVES FOR FOOD. He is completely 100% motivated by it. And he devours it ... I seriously don't think he chews.
Perfect example ... when he was three, a note came home from preschool that went like this: One of the students had a birthday today and brought cupcakes. After handing them out, we realized that Drew ate his before we could take the paper wrapping off. Just wanted you to know.
Yeah, that was a proud moment.
And, don't think Drew did this well on his own. It was no accident. It was no fluke. He's probably not even that good. He was bribed. Yes, you read that right ... we, his parents, bribed him ... with food. "Hey kid, pull 5 flags in one flag football game and we'll take you to Dairy Queen and you can order anything you want on the menu!" Three flags and a touchdown later (yes, a touchdown counts as two) ... we're driving to DQ and purchasing a large cone.
So, it shouldn't be surprising when Jake emerged from his bedroom the other night with some news. It was about Drew. Jake looked scared. The petrified look that one has when they think they might lose their little brother in a few moments because his parents will kill him.
Yeah, that look.
I'm not going to explain the whole story ... because frankly I'm too embarrassed. Mortified that my SEVEN YEAR OLD ... would swallow a nickel. Do I need to repeat? Swallow a nickel, when he should have been sleeping ... or at least attempting to go to sleep.
"Hey, who needs sleep ... let's eat some nickels?"
GOD!
But that's not the best part ... no ... not even close.
The next morning, I'm talking to my SEVEN YEAR OLD about the importance that we don't eat coins. It went something like, "Drew, if you eat all the money, we won't have any left to buy you cereal and pop tarts!" (That should do it)
It was at the breakfast counter that he shared a story with me ... since he was on a roll, I assume he thought it was best to just go with the whole, I don't make good decisions about food thing and let it all out and clear his conscience.
It went like this:
"Mom, yesterday after school I was up the street playing basketball with the others ... " he started.
"Yeah," my heart was pounding as I just knew this wasn't going to be good.
"I thought Maddy spilled a bunch of Nerds on the sidewalk, so I picked them all up ... and it took me forever ... and then I ate them."
"Uhhh Huhhh"
"And all the kids started laughing and saying 'gross' and I thought it was because I ate food off the sidewalk. But then they told me that it was .... fertilizer."
"You ate fertilizer? Like actually swallowed it? Thinking it was NERDS?"
Drew nods.
Yeah ... I know you all want him as your very own son, but really, he's ALL MINE!
I'm overcoming my complete and utter embarrassment and sharing this with you so that I can use it as blackmail and a means of humiliation at Drew's high school graduation party. And his wedding. And at the birth of this first child. And then again, when his kid does something more stupid than this and he wants to murder him.
