An Iowa Mom

It's Sixty What?

Now I do realize that when it's cold I bitch that it's too cold.  When it's hot I bitch that it is too hot.  When it's perfect, right in the middle ... when then, I just bitch.

What?  I'm a woman.  It's my prerogative, right?

Damn straight.

Well, today I'm just bitchy. 

Period.

Well, not because of my period, been there done that ... at Adventureland, no doubt.  Go figure ... just added to the fun.   Was that too much information?  Yeah, sorry about that.

Anyway, it's July 24th, correct?

I just want to be sure, because here in Iowa ... it's

SIXTY FREAKIN' SIX degrees.

66.

In July.

What the hell?  I'm freezing my little bootie off. 

And you, the one laughing in the back, shut up ... it's my blog and if I want to call my bootie little, I WILL!   Got it?

Okay.  Just so we cleared that up.

There is really no point to this post other than to bitch, which I obviously enjoy greatly ...

Alrighty then ... Have a great day!

Can A Child Get Any Cuter?

Seriously, take a look ...

Is it possible for a kid to get any cuter than this?  As much as I don't like her right now, she makes up for it by smiling sweetly at me every now and then. 

I would also like you all to take notice that I am saying something nice about my child.  This doesn't happen very often ... so enjoy it while it lasts.

Surely, later I'll be posting to fill you in on something this very child has done to tick me off.

You can pretty much count on it.

Oh Yeah - First One Wins!

If you've been reading me for a while ... a long while ... you know that there is one show that I absolutely LOVE to watch, that I'll never actually admit to watching if you ever tell.  I'll swear you're a liar.  I really will.

What is that show?

It's on right now.

The first one with the correct answer ... wins a little prize.

GO!

Perfected

I don't have a clue as to where she'd learn something like this, but I think she's got the whole "relax in the pool" thing down pat.  Don't you?

It's obvious that me even disturbing her for a moment to snap a picture irritated her to no end. 

Man, I have a feeling life is going to really suck around here in about ten years.

Family First

So, I've been gone for a few days.

Did you notice?  Did you miss me?

Thanks for saying so, even if you didn't. 

The plan was to give you fair warning of my absence, because I didn't want you all to go into unexpected withdrawals, however ... I was having some technical difficulties and was unable to post before I left.

And it was a "family" trip, so my laptop was not allowed to join us on this mini-vacation.  I know, it broke my heart to shun my beloved, but rules are rules and for just 2 days out of the 365 we have in the year ... I had to put my children first, crazy as that sounds.

Where did we go for all this fun?

Where else in Iowa but ...

ADVENTURELAND.

This is a trip we take every single year.  Several families in our neighborhood join together, get t-shirts made, and take the adventure with one another.  This year was rather small, only 7 families, but it was fun had by all, well ... most.

Because, if you're from Iowa and have been to Adventureland with little ones, you know that there is nothing more enjoyable than standing in front of the FrogHopper in 95 degree heat, watching your children ride it over and over and over again, finally able to convince them to venture over to the ladybugs for a change of scenery.  And then on to the semi's because there is nothing better than wiping sweat from your forehead, while waving feverishly with a big smile, each and every single time they ride by.  And then, feeling as though you've hit the jackpot when they pick the boats so you can at least stand under some shelter ... giving you a moment of shade ... and loving them more than anything in the world when they decide to only ride those only ONCE.

Yeah, good times.  This has to be my favorite day out of all the days in the year.  The day I look forward to more than any other.

If you didn't read that with tons of sarcasm, then you didn't read it right.

Let's just say ... I'm glad to be back.

The Book - Plain and Simple

Molly had her three year check up the other day. 

She's in great health and it turns out she's not nearly as dumb as we thought.

I'M JUST KIDDING!  Good Lord.  Don't you people know how to take a joke?  We really need to work on that.

Anyway, when we were finished with the appointment, she never again mentioned her visit with her favorite doctor, the sticker he spoiled her with, the shot his nurse poked into her leg or the glittery band-aid she slapped over the hole she'd left that was oozing blood.

Nope, all she cared about was her new book.  And how fabulous it was.  And how her Daddy was going to read it to her that night before bed.  That simple book was like a treasure only she was lucky enough to hold.  Never mind the 200 of them on her bookshelf.

I found that very sweet.

I hope she'll always find greatness in the simple things. 

In The Gutter

Let's go back a couple months.  To June, when Jake was asked to bring a plain white shirt to school so they could tye-dye them for "Track and Field Day".  Being the lazy and sometimes cheap mother that I am, I immediately thought of the white T-shirt, nestled snuggly in the back of the drawer, that Drew had worn once and then dripped chocolate down the front of it.

I handed it to Jake to put in his backpack, naturally impressed with myself to be sending a shirt only a day after it was requested.  If one didn't know any better, you'd think I should be nominated for Mother of the Year.

"Ah, Mom?" Jake said, wrinkles forming in his forehead. "I think the sheet said a CLEAN, white T-shirt?"

"Yeah." I answered, trying to convince myself that I could fool him. "And?  Why does it have to be stain-free, you're just going to tye-dye it, right?"

"Never mind!" Jake mumbled shaking his head. 

I bet having me for a mother sucks.

So, the shirt was tye-dyed a cool shade of green, him and all his classmates wore them to distinguish their class from the others on the day they'd all compete in track and field events.  Then, on one of the last days of school, they all sported them again and let their friends sign their names to them.

After that day, the shirt was forgotten.  It found it's home again in the back of the dresser drawer.

Until last week, that is.

We were at the orthodontist, to discuss Jake's summer teeth.  What exactly are summer teeth?  Some 'er going this way, some 'er going that way.  HA!  I crack myself up. 

So, as the doctor finishes checking him over, and explaining to me all that is going to be done, all the while seeing dollar signs dancing around in his head, he dismisses Jake and stands to shake my hand.  As he maneuvers to shake Jake's however, Jake is already heading towards the door.  And we see this:

Now, my mind is usually not in the gutter, just ask Big Daddy, but I couldn't help but think the worst when seeing this drawing.  Now I know it's supposed to be a ball bat, but seriously ... if you just glanced at it, what would you think?

Yeah.

Judging from the look the doctor gave me, that's what he thought too!

There goes my Mother of the Year Award.

Damn it!