An Iowa Mom

Apparently It's Pretty Painful

Whatever virus or germ that has infested my children must like it here ... because it won't leave.  Now understand, I was under the impression that it finally departed, but if that was indeed true, then it has returned.  Obviously it likes it here.  I should be so honored.

This leads me to tell you that Drew is home from school.  Again.  Today.  After a short nap, by him ... not me, we decided to turn the television on.  As I was scrolling through the channels, Molly yelled to stop when Thomas The Train appeared.  I thought it was rather odd, as she has NEVER watched this show before, but thought, "What the heck?  A show is a show", and I left it there.  I figured it would give me enough quiet and uninterrupted time to continue cleaning up lunch dishes.  There is nothing worse than to be cleaning up a meal and hear a child, who just ate, ask you for a snack.  I can't stand that, though it still happens often.  But that's a whole other post.  I don't want to get off topic ... that would be so unlike me.

So ...

After the kitchen was once again sparkling, I retreated back into my comfy, warm chair in the living room.  Drew was on the floor in front of me, wrapped up in my favorite quilt.  A few minutes later, he slowly rolled to the side and sat up ... facing me.  Using the most monotone voice I've ever heard, he said ...

"Spending 10 years in the worst jail on earth and then being run over by the worlds heaviest monster truck ... would be less painful than watching this."

And I'm afraid I have to agree. 

What's All The Hype About?

For many months I keep hearing, "Twilight This" and "Twilight That" and never paid much attention.  I mean, come on, I'm a mother of four kids and even though I neglect them regularly, I still don't have time to read a book.

Okay, I take that back ...

I do have time to read a book, I just choose to do other things ... like read blogs and watch reruns of Dog The Bounty Hunter.

Since I get off topic regularly, let me ask ... how many of you thought when I said "Okay, I take that back ..." that I was going to retract my neglecting the kids comment?  Seriously people, you should know me better than that by now.

Back to Twilight.  I keep hearing about this book and it's always everyone ooohhhing and aaahhhhing over it.  I figured I should just make the effort and read it.  Give some time to myself.  I love to read so it was about damn time I do something I like to do, right?  Locking the door to my room (Big Daddy was home with kids), I snuggle into my bed with a big ol' honkin' fountain pop with the sole purpose to read.  However, still stuck in "Dog" mode ... I read this instead:

It was pretty good actually ... if you're a "Dog" kinda person.  And to my surprise, I completed his story in a day.  The kids didn't interfere at all.  It was then that I realized Twilight was becoming an actual possibility.   I may just be able to pull it off.  If you know me well, you know I can't do anything a little bit at a time, so I'll give you a little sneek peek into my bedroom to catch a glance of my nightstand.

Yeah.  All four books.  So ... if these are as fantastic and addicting as everyone claims, I will be totally engrossed in them for at least a week.  You can leave me a comment telling me what you think of the series ... but please, PLEASE, don't give away parts of the book that someone who hasn't read them won't want to know!

Before diving in, I vowed that I would catch up on housework, shopping and computer work before I even open the first book.  Now you know what my day consists of.  If things go well, I'll have my nose in that sucker by bedtime.

My New Best Friend

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  Isn't that what they say?  And what does it mean when people say "Isn't that what THEY say"?  Who the hell is "THEY"?  I was just wondering.  And if any of you know, please ... by all means, enlighten me.

Anyway, like usual, I got off track.  Maybe I need to start over. 

Desperate times call for desperate measures.  And it is because of that simple fact, that I have to replace a great friend of mine.  By no means am I breaking it off completely with my old pal, I just happen to have a new best friend now ... by pure necessity, not desire ... let's keep that straight. 

Some may call me a user, since it seems I'm all, "What can you do for me!?"  But ya know, what can an ol' mother do?  So, it's out with the old ... and in with the new ...

Say hello to my new best friend:

BTW - We are making progress.  Three kids at school and only one at home.  Molly pulled through like a trooper and slept off whatever it was yesterday that brought her down.  Now if we can only kick whatever it is that has made itself at home inside Jake ... this gal will be one happy mother.

 

Is There Even A Small Possibility?

Okay.

I'm getting a little suspicious now.  Though I usually play this game with my kids, I feel like I should be reveling in a game of I-Spy with myself.  With only one subject to search out. 

Ashton Kutcher. 

Without question, he would have to be my focus.  Hiding.  Devising.  Filming.  No other could be behind this.  There is no way on earth that I'm not his latest target for his hit MTV show Punk'd.

Oh wait.  I'd have to be a celebrity for that, huh?  Damn.  Stop laughing.  I'm not thinking clearly.  You wouldn't be either.  You have no clue what I've been through the past 10 days.  You could be "in the know", if I would have been blogging.  But I wasn't.  So you don't know.  So just stop laughing.  It's that simple.

Anyway, I'm sitting here minding my own business when Molly appears in front of me.  Molly.  My three year old.  The youngest.  One of the healthy ones.  Remember her.  Well, she comes walking up to me, sporting a little grin, and says, "I don't feel good."

I'm not going to tell you what I said to her, because I'm already backlogged enough in my email and I don't need any extras telling me what a bad mother I am.  In all actuality, I kinda dismissed her comment as an "attention" thing.  I mean, really, I've been doting on her brothers for the past few days and she is wanting what recognition she feels is owed or due to her.  That was easy enough to figure out.

And before anyone questions my "doting" on the boys ... let me just say, I thought Ashton's cameras were following me.  Remember?  Hello?

So ... for the past hour or so I didn't think anything of Miss Molly's comment until I strolled into the living room to take back control of the television remote.  And I found ... this:

Yeah, I know, SO WHAT?  A sleeping kid.  But let me just enlighten you to the fact that this "sleeping kid" has not fallen into a state of slumber at 3 o'clock in the afternoon for two years. 

Unless of course, SHE WAS SICK!!!!!!!!!!!

Is there even a small, remote possibility that I could catch a freakin' break on the "illness" thing?  I mean ... I'd even settle for the illusion of good health.

Is that really asking for too much?

Why Do I Even Bother Getting My Hopes Up?

Many of you are on Spring Break this week.  Some of you had Spring Break last week.  Shoot, there may be a few of you that still have to wait another week.  We all manage to get one though.  Yup, that's right.

Spring.  Break. 

Two words.  Two syllables that for so many years brought an instant smile to ones face just hearing it being vocalized.  Fun.  Sun.  Good times.  Smiles.  Vacation.  Laughter.  Memories.

Spring. Break.

Aaahhh, ya gotta love it.

And I did.

Before I had children. 

Because ever since I managed to give birth to four little beings, Spring Break no longer represents all those fabulous words I typed above. 

For me.  I think Spring Break and then I think ... Illness.  Money.  Chaos.  Disorganization.  Cancellations.  Doctors.  Medicine.  Groaning.  Nerves. 

Ya know ... just doesn't mean the same thing. 

So, you'll understand my excitement as the week came to a close and backpacks were once again lined along the kitchen wall, clean clothes laid out to be put on, and early bedtimes to be had by all.  Right?

Yeah ... my life doesn't work like that.

Don't know what I mean?  Let me give you a little hint.

These photos were taken just a few minutes ago:

Jake


Drew


Molly

Now, you will notice ONE of them managed to make it to school.  Yes, Emily is MIA from these photos. 

And no, Molly is not sick ... just here because she only goes to school on Tuesday and Thursday.

The others must have determined that an extension of their Spring Break was in order.  Figures, despite the boy's 103 temperatures ... they are beyond thrilled.

Aaaahhh, to be a kid again.

It's All Their Fault

Typepad has been down for a week.  Can you believe it?

My computer broke and the service man took a week to fix it.  The nerve.

My kids captured me, tied me up and left me sitting there while I watched them ... helplessly ... destroy my house.  Oh wait, that's nothing new.

Aliens descended from the sky and landed in my backyard.  They snatched me up and I haven't seen the light of day in over a week.  I could only hope.

All these would be great excuses for not blogging ... wouldn't they?

But I have to come clean.  None of them are true.

The sad truth is that .... life happened ... and I haven't blogged.

It's that simple.

I know ... how dare this damned life get in the way of all things important?  Like blogging.  I don't know how it happened.  I really don't.

But, I'm back now.  And I am confident that you are upset because you may have missed something ... so I really want to make things right with you.  Because of that, get ready to hear all the boring and mundane details of my life this past week.  All this time that I've been MIA ...

However ... because I'm such a great "in your computer" kind of friend, I'll give you a little while to prepare before I start throwing it all out at you.  Ya know, a little time to collect yourself from the excitement of actually seeing THIS post from me after all this time of me being away.

Aren't I the best?

Thought so.

Growing, Growing, Gone!

I'm sure you really won't care ... because this is just one of those things that I have to "blog" because I don't want to forget.  I just feel the need that it be documented.  One of those milestones that is just too precious to allow the escape from our memory.

Our meaning ... "our" family, because remember?  You aren't gonna care.

Anyway ...

The sweet Miss Molly, who is a mere three years of age, sat down for lunch yesterday.

No biggie.

She does that everyday.  Really.  I do feed her daily.

But yesterday was a little different.

This little girl of mine consumed ...

2 Hot Dogs (with about 2 cups of ketchup *no joke*)

and ... an...

entire box of Kraft Mac & Cheese.

The WHOLE THING.

Well ... that's kind of a lie.

It was Hy-Vee Mac & Cheese, not Kraft ... because we're sort of on a budget.

But, seriously ... I made it and figured I'd eat what was left for my own lunch.  And she kept asking for more.  And more.  And more.  Until it was gone.

All of it.

Empty pan.

So, it was a very happy day in our house ... she has finally been initiated as an official member of our family.