An Iowa Mom

And So Yes ... I Am Still Alive!

While it's quite flattering to receive email after email wondering where I've been and if everything is okay ... I must say, I have missed blogging something fierce.  Really.  I have.

So then why haven't I been blogging?  The answer is quite simple.  I don't know.

It would be so much more understandable if I said something like ... "The kids have been passing around the flu for the past three months.  We just haven't been able to get rid of it.  It's been a nightmare."

But, the only sickness we've encountered around here is a fever.

Bieber Fever.

And it's pretty much turning into a nightmare.  This is what my life has come to these days ... Lord help me ...

Oh ... and yes.  I do bathe my children and occasionally brush their hair.  Just sayin'.  My heavens they look like rag-a-muffins, don't they?  Good grief.

 (If you take the time to watch the whole video (it's only like 3 min), you'll see that times have not changed.  Remember this? In typical Emily and Molly fashion, there is a little competition going on over camera time!  Cracks me up!)

Some Quality Mother Daughter Time

Yesterday, Emily was recovering from a couple days of being sick, so she stayed home from school.  She wanted to watch some television with me, so we snuggled up on the couch for a little nap bonding time.  At one point during the day, the Target Black Friday commercial came on.

Have you all seen that one yet?

Of course you have.  Unless perhaps you actually have a life and don't have to rely on TV to entertain you like I do.   Ahem.  And if that is the case, then I will do you a favor and post it here for you to watch.  

Please note: when you see this lady scream into her  2 Day Sale Ad ... just know that I'm cracking my butt up, because for whatever reason, I LOVE THAT PART!

 

 

Okay ... so now you can say that you've seen it.  You're welcome.

Back to me and Emily.

After this commercial aired, Emily looked up at me and said, "Mom.  That lady reminds me of you.  Except you don't have that many wrinkles."

I couldn't help but wonder why she was being so nice to me.  It's not the norm.  But I couldn't wonder for too long, because she went on ... 

"And ... you would NEVER exercise!"

Thanks Em!

 

 

Another Year, Another Picture

We all know the routine because we've been living it since we were five years old and in kindergarten.  Each year , our mothers set out our finest set of new school clothes, woke us 15 minutes earlier than normal to style our hair 'just so'.  With a comb nestled into our book bag, we were sent out the door with reminders to smile our best smile.

And then hours later, we stood in a line with our classmates, waiting our turn for some strange woman using that same comb to yank and pull our hair in directions it was never meant to go, before shoving us onto a carpeted box and demanding we look at the camera and smile.  The bright light next to the photographer shone brightly into our eyes and the snap of the photo usually happened just moments before we expected it to.  Right?

A few weeks later we were presented with our 'school' picture.  The image that would not only be swapped with every kid in school that we considered our closest friend, but also framed and mounted on the living room wall for the upcoming year.  Right up until it would be thrown into the memory box just waiting to humiliate us to no end a decade later ... and replaced with the new dreaded pic showing us growing a year older.

Is this the experience you all had growing up?  If not, then you must think I'm some sort of crazy lunatic going on and on about the experience.   But, you should be getting used to that by now, so I'm not too worried about you.

Anyway ... I do things a bit differently with my kiddos.  Maybe it's because I remember the torture of years past.  Or because I'm lazy.  Or maybe simply because they don't ever have an awesome new school outfit suitable for such a big day.  Regardless ... my kids wake up on picture day and get dressed just as they would any other day.  They comb their hair and brush their teeth ... in our normal mundane routine.

Then they leave for school.

And when the pictures arrive home ... I always wish we would have given it a little more effort. 

However ... I don't have to wait a decade to humiliate them.

Jake - 7th Grade

 

Drew - 5th Grade

 

Emily - 1st Grade

 

Molly - Kindergarten

 

Stepping Back: And She Has Magical Barbie Powers

Earlier this summer, a rainy day was upon us, and I was in no way complaining.  I mean, after several 'outside pool days', our house was in desperate need of some TLC, not be mention I was way behind on my blog reading.   Just sayin'.

The boys zoned into their video games without persusation, however, the girls were a little bit more of a challenge.  Always preferring to be outdoors ... insisting that they stay inside is usually quite the chore.

However, I had something new to bribe them with on this particular day.  Well, not really new ... but new to us ... from the library.  And it was sure to buy me at least an hour of uninterrupted time to clean up this pit we were calling home.

The Barbie Mermaid DVD.

Oh boy!

So, I popped a bowl of popcorn and nestled them snuggly into my bed.  Believe me, that is quite the treat for them.  Remember, it's the little things when you're a kid, right?

After popping the disk into the player, I fought with the cheap remote control.  Uttering a few naughty words under my breath, I wondered why ANYONE would buy a cheap ass DVD player like the one I was farting around with?  Ahem , okay I admit it, that 'anyone' was ME.  Be quiet! Totally beside the point.

Anyway, after a few aggrevating minutes, and a few hard blows upside the remote control's head, I began to hear the annoying Barbie Mermaid theme music and the movie was finally playing, with both girls soaking it in with wide eyes. 

Before I could escape, and get on with my blog reading chores, the following conversation took place ...

Emily: O-M-G (yes, she actually said just the letters), I knew I was special.  I just KNEW it!!  Do you see how Barbie's hair just turned pink when she got it wet in the water?  Mom?  Do you see?

Me:  Yes.  With an underlying tone of "What's your point, I've got blogs to read stuff to do!"

Emily:  See it.  Do you see it??  It turns pink in the water.  Just like mine turns green. I just can't believe it!!

Molly:  That is SO not fair!  I want my hair to turn green too!

 

Wow ... so I guess that means I have my very own Barbie Mermaid with special powers, doesn't it? 

Settle down people, I know you all are just 'green' with envy, aren't you?  I know I would be.

The Most Wonderful Day Of The Year

Yes, I am completely aware that it's been two weeks since the eve of the first day of school.   I fully expected to write about it the moment those four kids were safely nestled into their seats on the school bus ... and it drove away. 

But, when that time actually came, I just couldn't find the words. 

And still, 14 days later, I still don't have the words to describe the experience, as I have yet to be able to wrap my head around the fact that all four of them are now in school.  ALL DAY! 

However, don't fret ... I do have the traditional and mandatory "Back To School" photos.  So those will have to do.  M'kay?

Here are the boys.  Don't you just love the sarcastic look on Drew's face, making it perfectly known that he is not happy about having his photo taken?  Or going to school for that matter?  Jake is more seasoned ... and knows not to fight it.  It's going to happen whether he likes it or not.

 

Jake - The 7th Grader  ... and yes, someday I'm fairly confident that he WILL grow!  At least that is what his doctor tells me.

 

Drew - The 5th Grader

 

The entire morning Molly couldn't wait to get out of the house and get to the bus stop.  She was devastated that I made her pose for pictures.  I KNOW!  Molly.  Not wanting the camera in her face.  I wouldn't believe it either if I hadn't been the one yelling through clenched teeth to "STAND THERE AND SMILE, DAMMIT!"  And of course Emily checking to see if the neighbors can hear me yelling ... again.

 

Emily - The Big 1st Grader

 

And Molly ... the Kindergarten!

 

Something tells me that they were just as excited to go to school as I was for them to go to school!

 

Just sayin'.

And just so you know, I am confident I'll learn how to take pictures that aren't so washed out and awful when I attend the I Blog Conference this November.  Are you going? 

Twas The Night Before School Started ...

Twas the night before school started,
When all through the town,
The parents were cheering.
It was a riotous sound!
By eight, kids were washed
And tucked into bed...
When memories of homework...filled them with dread!

New pencils, new folders, new notebooks, too!
New teachers, new friends...their anxiety grew!
The parents just giggled when they learned of this fright
And shouted upstairs-...
GO TO BED-IT'S A SCHOOL NIGHT!

At Least She Knows What She Wants To Be When She Grows Up

Yeah. 

So.

The other day I'm sitting in my kitchen cleaning up someone's mess that was not my own, because that is all I seem to be doing this summer, and Emily struts her stuff into the room.  I could hear the annoying clatter that came from the shoes she was wearing.  Ya know, the ones she has been forbidden to play in.  The same ones that I haven't had on my feet in eight years and have no intention of ever wearing ... but that is beside the point. 

The point is that obviously my children have a listening problem.  However, we've all known that for quite a while now, haven't we?  So I should just get over it already.

Anyway ... once the loud banging came to a halt ... I turned to scold her for getting into my closet again and order her to go put the shoes back and fetch some that were in her dress up bin.  I wasn't quick enough though, because she spoke first.

"Look Mom!"  she said to me in a tone that told me she was mighty proud of herself.  "I got all dressed and I look just like a lawyer, don't I?"

Ummmm ... okay. 

Define lawyer.